The Cupcake Incident
by Galantria
Summary: The ultimate test of morals and self restraint will come down to this: Can Hogwarts students resist the hundreds of cupcakes labled 'DO NOT EAT?
1. Respect Day: Sock It To Me!

The Cup Cake Incident

On October 12th Katie Bell and Fred Weasly were racing eachother from the Griffindor Common Room to breakfast. Katie's long blonde hair flayed out behind her and Fred was shouting warnings such as _'Scuse me! Pardon me! Look out below! _as they doged past their classmates, almost trampling Cedric Diggory who tried to apologise for having the misfortune of being knocked down by the two teens. Flitwick yelped and his stack of papers flew out of his hands so that the halls snowed graded charms assignments.

Finally the pair bounded down the last flight of stairs and skidded to a hault on the marble floor of the Great Hall, panting.

"Sucess!" Katie cried as she punched the air happily after regaining her color.

"What are you talking about, woman?" Fred demanded. "I won by a mile!"

"Are you dillusional?"

"_NO!_" Fred shouted, then with a little less certainty: "Um. . . remind me what dillusional means."

Katie's serious expression broke and she laughed and after a while Fred joined in, their competition forgotten.

"God, isn't it a little early for a sugar high, you guys?" Fred and Katie turned to find a yawning and disheveled Angelina Johnson looking at them incredulously.

"Never to early for that, my dear," replyed Fred happily.

"Right. . .Hey, whats up with the banner?" Ange pointed to a bright red banner that said RESPECT DAY in white letters. Fred and Katie snickered.

"Yesterday when me, my lovely twin, and the ravishing Miss Katie here charmed Flints shirt to read DRAG QUEEN PRIDE the teachers went off on the disrespect of certain students. So now we have a day devoted to learning to respect eachothers' property. And it's _just because of us. _I'm quite honored, really." Fred related proudly.

"So you three boneheads are proud that you single-handedly landed the entire school a behavior reflection day?"

"We're finally getting our offical recognition school wide," said Katie in a 'duh' voice.

"Whatever floats your boat," Ange said and shrugged (she was quite used to this sort of thing). And the three friends walked over to sit with Lee, George, Alica, and Oliver who was already raving about a game 2 weeks away:

"And along with the visualzation exersices I want you all to listen to the Muggle-song _We are the Champions_ every day to get you pumped for the game," Oliver droned.

"Your mom gets me pumped," Lee fired back automatically and earned himself a smack from Ange, his current girlfriend. Lee's defensive reply was drowned out by the gasps of half the students when something absolutely, totally unexpected happened!

"Oh.Em.Gee." said Ginny.

"Dear Lord!" exclaimed Roger Davies loudly from the Ravenclaw table.

"Holey Harry Potter," muttered Colin Creavey, who obviously used this expression often.

"Looooook," Alica gasped from by Oliver.

"Those can't be good for anyone's quidditch playing. . . " the scotsman muttered darkly.

"CUPCAKES!!!" screamed Katie.

And cupcakes there were. Hundreds and hundreds of cupcakes had appeared out of thin air so that they covered the tables, floor, and empty chairs of the Great Hall. The cup cakes were large, fluffy and delectable looking with pink icing expertly globbed on top. But, when the cupcakes appeared the sign reading RESPECT DAY's letters had scrammbled and blurred so they now formed the horrible words DO NOT EAT.

"So. . .what now?" asked Fred as he looked hungrily at the nearest ten pastries.

**A/N Random, I know! Unless this story is completely hated I will continue it in about 2 chapters. I know this is very weird, but after all this is fanfiction guys! **

**Disclaimer: WHY would JK post on fanfiction?????**

**REVIEWS WOULD TOTALLY ROCK!!!!!!!!**

**OOOO YEAH and this story is the harry potter retelling of a true story!!! YAAY. **


	2. I'm OK!

**A/N After a long and pathetic struggle with myself to get off my butt and write this I am finally back from falling off the face of the Earth and onto the black hole I call my couch. Hmm -- what a long and confusing sentence. Thanks to all reviewers (I LOVE YOU GUYS) and a special thank you to toujourspurdue for pointing out my misspelled title. (Snickers in the corner at own stupidity) **

"_So…What now?" Asked Fred as he looked hungrily at the nearest ten pastries. _

"I don't know." Answered George uneasily as the entire student body was crushed under the pressure of one question: To eat or not to eat?

The pressure was palpable. Hands twitched, eyes flickered across the delicious-looking treats and trails of drool were hastily wiped away.

From Ravenclaw Table there came a quiet wave of gasps and everyone turned to watch, awestruck, as Roger Davies' finger advanced slowly, slowly on a cupcake. Sweat trickled down Fred's temple and Colin Creavey was nibbling away at his fingernails so that a shower of bits of nail began accumulating on bystanders' robes.

Finally Roger's finger connected with the pink icing and Neville made a little whimper and fell back in his chair with his feet uplifted in the manner of a dead parakeet that had just chirped his last. Roger slowly withdrew his finger with an accumulation of frosting on it and popped it into his mouth.

"MMMM," Roger sighed in satisfaction as the Great Hall erupted in cheers.

"Now _that's_ a real man!" Shouted Lee in admiration.

"My hero," swooned Alicia Spinnet.

"I'm OK!" Said Neville cheerily as he got up slowly with several bruises.

"Impressive," muttered Harry quietly.

"Oh.Em.Gee…Get.Out…" Ginny said while texting furiously to her friend across the room.

"LET'S EAT!" Shouted Katie happily as she stuffed one cupcake toward some location around Fred's mouth and grabbed another for herself.

"MfffhhhhKaaayyyttteeeemmmhhhhHHHaaay," Fred mumbled in response through big fluffy bites of cupcake.

And Katie and Fred weren't the only ones following Roger's example. Uneasily at first, but with growing confidence students at all fur tables were sampling the succulent pastries.

Ron Weasley was eating one with a smug "bad boy" expression on his face while Hermione gasped and began lecturing him on the "the duty of a prefect". Flint was systematically massacring all cupcakes within range of his seat and even Ginny had detached herself from her gossiping long enough to bite into a cupcake and immediately go off into excited squeals of "Oh.Em.Gee. This is soooo good!"

Alicia had apparently found her way over to Roger and was now praising his bravery in an adoring voice and allowing him to hand feed her globs of icing from his already licked fingers. Oh how romantic…

Or at least Angelina must have thought so because after spotting this she promptly smacked Lee upside he head saying: "Look at Roger over there with Alicia! There he is being all romantic and here you are stuffing your face without a thought of me!" Lee looked up from his pile of half eaten baked goods.

" You want romance? Well you should have just said so," he said before pulling Ange into a passionate and crumb-filled kiss.

"Eww! You taste like icing," Ange said pretending to be irritated, but grinning all the same.

From a corner the two top Quidditch captains, Oliver Wood and Cedric Diggory regarded the scene.

"You know, Diggory, we never seem to agree on much, but today you turned out to be the only other sane one – besides myself, of course."

"Well I would never ruin my figure or Quidditch chances by indulging in _sweets," _said Cedric in the tone of a middle-aged housewife who picks the cheese off of pizza for fear of the extra calories.

"I think it has became clear to all how we became the most ruggedly handsome Hogwarts bachelors: careful diet and exercise."

Cedric nodded dutifully to the Scotsman.

Meanwhile, Katie's inaccurate cupcake placement had escalated into a full-out war. Fred was crouched down behind the Hufflepuff table pelting cupcakes at Katie who was rolling across the floor in an accurate James Bond impersonation while avoiding Fred's ammunition.

"TASTE SUGAR!" Fred yelled and hurled yet another cupcake.

"NEVER!" Came Katie's cry and Fred turned to find the previously mentioned blonde's location. He looked from side to side but Katie was nowhere to be seen. Confused, Fred turned around to face Katie who immediately chucked a cupcake she had behind her back. Katie wasn't a chaser for nothing and it his him square in the face.

Fred stood perfectly still for a moment, letting some icing drip down his face, before slowly and deliberately bringing up his hand to wipe it away. Katie giggled at Fred's sour expression.

"Bang! Your dead."

"Yeah, yeah… come here. You aren't going to get away with nailing me twice!" Fred pulled Katie closer and held her firmly as she tried to squirm away for the red head.

"This is for my honor," Fred said as he crumpled the first cupcake onto Katie's head. "This is for my self respect." He crumpled the second cupcake. "This is for my poor face that has suffered multiple cupcake wounds!" He crumpled the last cupcake. "And this…" Fred paused. "Is because I feel like it!" Fred finished as he smeared the whole mess on top of Katie's head.

"Eww! Fred, ketchup might make good lotion, but icing definitely doesn't make good shampoo!" Katie squealed as she pawed through her totally destroyed hair.

"Lather, rinse, and repeat. That's all you have to know."

Just then the doors to the Great Hall swung open to reveal a short, stout form.

"_Hem hem."_ Yes, there in the doorway stood the short, stout and _evil _form of Professor Umbridge, the current headmistress.

"There will be, due to _certain_ events, a mandatory assembly at the Quidditch pitch immediately. Topics discussed will be elaborated on later but I am sure you all know the general topics. That is all." With that Umbridge turned and left the Great Hall and the doors slammed shut with a bang.

"I'm not OK anymore!" gulped Neville quietly.

"Oh. Damn." Said Flint.

"Oh.Em.Gee. WTF?" Said Ginny.

"Well that ruined the party." Said George.

"SHIZ NIT! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE VIA THE EVIL TROLL-LOOKING HEADMISSTRESS!" Screamed Katie, for once the most eloquent student.


End file.
